Grief
What is grief?
Grief is deep sorrow, especially caused by someone’s death
What is sorrow?
A feeling of deep distress caused by loss, disappointment or other misfortune suffered by oneself or others
Distress or sorrow can be pain, anxiety, sadness, heartbreak, or unhappiness.
Let’s look at what the Greek definition of grief is:
Pain of body or mind, things that cause sorrow, sorrow, sorrowful, heaviness, to be angry with, to work out with labor.
Know that grief is a natural response to loss.
5 Stages of Grief
I know for me sometimes I’m just ready to get over my feelings and be back to normal and that’s how I was with Jamika, one of my friends who passed recently. I just wanted to get back to normal. I wanted to get back to my daily routine. I wanted to get back to podcasting and the things I know God told me to do for this year.
But I hadn’t processed the grief yet and many times we try to make ourselves ok or get back to normal and we haven’t truly healed or even started the healing process. In reality it just makes things worse because you have so much bottled up on the inside and when a birthday or anniversary or significant moment in your life happens or some sort of other trigger that takes you back to that loss you are a wreck.
Let’s dig into the 5 stages of grief:
- Denial
This is when you are in a state of shock and denial. You may feel numb and confused. You keep functioning as nothing has happened because you have not accepted what has happened. This helps you cope with the loss and you may tell yourself things like “Oh they are just on a very long vacation, I’ll see them again one day.”
- Anger
You may be angry with family, friends, loved ones, doctors or even the person you loss. You may be angry with God asking Him “Where were you?” or “Why did you let this happen”
- Bargaining
Maybe someone is sick or about to die and you start saying things like, “God if you let the person live I promise to do or not to do….” This is when the “what if” narrative begins and a lot of guilt starts to rise. You think if you would have done something differently they would still be here or the outcome would be different
- Depression
At this stage you move into depression. You feel a sense of emptiness and this is completely normal after a loss. Sometimes you might want to be by yourself and isolated from people. Sometimes what you truly need is a hug or the presence of others.
Depress is one of the steps that’s a part of the process of grief and healing so don’t feel bad if you get to this place. Just don’t unpack and stay forever.
- Acceptance
It’s not so much that you feel like you’ve gotten over the loss. It’s more so acknowledging that you are ok now. You may be getting back to ”normal.”
This is when you have accepted the fact that your loved one or whatever you have lost is gone and you have to continue on with life without them or it. You have accepted this new reality and the “what if” scenarios no longer exist.
At this stage, know that it is ok to start back doing the things you love. It doesn’t mean that you have forgotten about your loved one or loss, but you are navigating through your new reality.
You may experience each of these stages, maybe some, maybe one, but know that you are not alone. You have friends, family, and a great support system to lean on if you would trust and lean on them.
Most importantly you have God. If you have no one else, you have God walking this out with you.
You can pray, others can pray for you, and you can believe that God will help you through this and trust me He will, but know that He has also provided you with physical guidance here on this earth.
Therapy. Counseling. Grief counseling
And that doesn’t mean that you’re not trusting Him or you’re weak.
Recommendations
Chrisitan therapy, Christinan counseling, and/or grief counseling.
Read the Bible.
Find promises in the Bible to lean on
Stay anchored in God’s word
Pray God’s promises back to HIm
Be open to letting others pray for you
Talk to God
Cry Out to God
He is a healer and there is nothing that is too difficult for Him to do.
Head over to listen to Part 2 of the Grief, Loss, & Legacy series on the podcast.
I dive deeper into the 5 stages of grief as well as recommendations. I share what stages of grief I’ve been in with the loss of 2 of my friends. I also provide many scriptures to help you through your grieving season.
Listen now on the podcast here.
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